When I lost 40 pounds seven years ago, I always said to myself, “There
is no way I’m ever gaining this weight back.” I had changed my lifestyle and, as far as I was concerned, there was nothing
that would get in the way of keeping the weight off. Well, life got in the way.
I have gained back the 40 pounds I worked so hard to lose as well as an
additional 36 pounds. Never have I felt so self-conscious, so aware of who was
looking at me and so worried that everyone was talking about me. I always assume
that if anyone is looking at me, it’s because of my size.
Unfortunately, gaining back all of that weight isn't even the worst of it. I was also recently diagnosed with sleep apnea and have to sleep with an adapter for oxygen in addition to my CPAP machine. I am also pre-diabetic. I also have a hernia above my belly button, which is worse because of my weight. I also sweat when walking up or down the stairs and am always short of breath. I am keeping myself prisoner in this body that is +-100 pounds overweight. I am constantly looking for different diet books, fitness magazines, fitness journals, fitness/diet plans that may motivate me more than the last. I have tried and tried to lose weight, everything from Weight Watchers to personal trainers, to DietBet. All of these with no luck. I currently work out with a personal trainer who is AMAZING. She is so motivating and never makes me feel ashamed of my weight or how I've let myself go.
Why have I let myself go? I think things got worse after I gave birth to my son. I feel guilty for being a working mother and I want to spend every waking second with my sweet boy.
My laundry list of medical issues should be reason that I stop eating garbage food once and for all. That is actually the reason that I decided to write this post. It is time for me to take accountability for my actions. I need to give my body the fuel it deserves so I can be free of all of this excess weight. I have decided to start IIFYM (If It Fits Your Macros) tomorrow and I want to tell everyone so that I am held accountable. I remember how incredible I felt when I weighed 198 pounds, which is still higher than my goal weight but the healthiest I have been in my adult life. I am currently weighing in at 278 pounds, which is only 10 pounds less than my heaviest when I was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT with my little guy. It's terrifying to see that number on the scale. It's SO close to 300 pounds. It's time for changes. Big, big changes.
Not only do I want to do this for, most importantly, myself but also for my son who deserves to have his mother around for a long time. My husband also deserves a healthy, happy wife that is confident in her own skin and feels beautiful, inside and out. I want to be able to go shopping for clothes and have endless options because I will no longer be wearing a size 20. I want to try on clothes without breaking a sweat or leaving in tears.
The method to my madness will be using MyFitnessPal to log my food and planning all of my food for the week the Sunday before. I will also limit my sugar/flour intake and write down all of my meals for the next day the night before. It's all about planning, planning, planning!
I ask you all for one thing: SUPPORT. Please support me. Please encourage me. I will need it every step of the way. Please let me know if I can do the same for you.
Here is to a healthy new outlook on life. It's time for me to do me.
